A Legendary Ship
by Kounji
Summary: Star TrekBattlestar: Galactica parody. Contains some SPOILERS for some of Star Trek but mainly Battlestar: Galactica the miniseries and seasons 13 or 2.5 or whatever. Please review! It would be greatly appreciated.


Copyright: All rights to Star Trek and its characters belong to Paramount and not us. All rightsto the new Battlestar: Galactica series and its characters belong to Universal and RDM Studios and not us. We're just using the characters for our own amusement. : D

This is a Star Trek/Battlestar: Galactica parody. It's the new Battlestar: Galactica series with all of the Star Trek shows, and a little bit of DS9. No Enterprise because that show sucks.

This parody was written by both Kounji and GoTeamYukari while chatting on AIM at 3:00am making fun of both shows and the characters, and both decided this would make a great fanfiction parody. Both are die hard fans of all Star Trek shows (except Enterprise. >. ), and Battlestar: Galactica the new series.

WARNING: This parody contains SPOILERS for some of Star Trek and A LOT of Battlestar: Galactica for the miniseries and seasons 1-3 or 2.5 or whatever. Read at your own discretion.

Star Trek/Battlestar: Galactica parody: With the new Battlestar with all of the Star Trek shows, and with a little bit of DS9.

Meanwhile, on Voyager, the Pegasus, Galactica, and DS9 have all orbited around each other:

Janeway: OH! The Borg so BEAT the Cylons! They're much worse!

Adama: Yes well, we have to deal with a group of machines that have destroyed all of humanity. Sees Seven and Data suddenly walk by "THOSE TWO ARE CYLONS!"

Janeway: The Borg want us all to be assimilated.

Adama: The cylons want us dead... at least we think they do.

Chakotay: Yeah he's got us beat Kathryn.

Cain/(Ro?): Shut the frak up!

Chakotay: Ro Laren? I thought you were Bajoran!

Cain/(Ro?): I thought you were competent!

Picard: Where have you been! You don't deserve to be in Starfleet! You joined the Maquis!

Cain/(Ro?): I did what I had to do to survive...

Harry Kim: ooooooooooooOOoo

Kim:drool:

Six and Seven talking:

Six: God wants to show you his love...

Seven: Irrevelant! You will be assimilated...and the existance of a higher being has not yet been proven--ooof

Six punches her in the face

Seven backhands her with her Borg hand

Meanwhile, Janeway and Roslin are enjoying a nice cup of coffee in Janeway's Ready Room on Voyager:

Janeway: Coffee, black. Yeah, it's hard being in charge.

Roslin: Yeah, but I'm a dying prophet. And the Commander just kissed me! It was sweet.

Janeway: Oh, my first officer would like to try. But I can't allow that on my ship. He is good-looking though. sighs If only he wasn't useless.

Roslin: Well you just let him think he's in charge everyonce and awhile...

Janeway: But he questions my authority all the time!

Roslin: ...and then occasionially you chime in. You show him who's boss.

Janeway: I will. Janeway presses her combadge.

Janeway: Commander, will you meet me in my Ready Room?

Chakotay: Yes, Captain. On my way, Chakotay out. Chakotay enters the Ready Room.

Janeway: Commander...

Chakotay: Yes Captain?

Janeway looks at Roslin and nods. Roslin gives that sarcastic fake-like smile of hers. "Chakotay, I need you to polish my boots...with your tongue."

Chakotay: puzzled Captain is something...

Janeway: For crying out loud! Be a damn man for once!

Chakotay: What? Anything for you Kathryn!

Chakotay: But...my animal guide says that I must be a gentle man.

Janeway: Oh, don't you give me that!

Cain/(Ro?) suddenly walks in unannounced hearing the last bit of the conversation:

Cain/(Ro?): Did you just say an animal guide? Is this the type of relationship that you two have established on this ship? I don't know how you survived this long...

Janeway: Me either...

Chakotay: My animal guide believes that we should all--

Cain/(Ro?): I don't give a frak what your fraking bear said!

Chakotay: It's a jaguar...

Chakotay: Ro! We were in the Maquis together! We fought the Cardassians! How could you say such a thing!

All three women just give him the death glare.

McCoy, Doctor from Voyager, and Doctor Cottle hanging out in Voyager's Sickbay:

McCoy: You know, you look at these ensigns... they just keep coming in here getting damned hurt all the time... they act like bleeding 5-year-olds and that you could just mend bones in an instant. We should give them all helmets. In fact, better yet, a bubble! Yes, that would work. In my day, we were damned if we could even get a splint. We had to travel half way across the galaxy to get one, and we were happy for it.

Dr. Cottle: Yeah... want a scotch? while he is smoking a cigarrette.

Doctor: Anyone wanna go see an opera?

Doctor starts singing.

Dr. Cottle and McCoy: SHUT UP, MAN!

Doctor: You know, cigarettes will lessen your life span by a number of years. Leaving you with an unhealthy last few years to the death bed.

McCoy: In that case I'll take one too so I don't have to deal with that awful singing of yours. My god why can't a hologram be a damned hologram anymore?

Torres, Starbuck, Apollo, Harry Kim, and Paris in the Messhall:

Paris: Lt. Thrace, so I hear you're a pretty good pilot?

Starbuck: Best in the fleet. smokes cigar, thinking...Sure, most likely better than you.

Torres: I'm Chief Engineer of Voyager. It's my passion.

Starbuck: That's good, we have a chief too. He gets pretty greased up though...stops and stares at Torres What the frak are those things on your forehead?

Torres: What did you say P'tak?

Starbuck: Excuse me? Bring it on Ass Head!

Paris: Oh, yeah. This is going to be good.

Apollo: Shut up, pretty boy!

Paris: You like her don't you, daddy's boy?

Apollo: Shut up! ...Go Starbuck! Apollo walks over to replicator "Popcorn, buttered."

Paris: So the betting pool is at...

Harry Kim: drool

Riker, Chakotay, and Tigh on in the back maintenance room where Tigh usually drinks:

Riker: So anyone want a drink on Risa?

Chakotay: I'd rather get in touch with my spirit guide.

Tigh: Why would an XO pass that up? looks at Chakotay "Fraking spirit guides! Are you nuts? You're just as crazy as the President first was!"

Riker: You know Commander Chakotay, Captain Janeway will be there.

Chakotay: Well in that case, I guess I could come along... thinking, For my beloved Kathryn!

Tigh: So is that like a whore house or something?

Tigh: Because I gotta get some of that!

Riker: No, it's not a whore house. It's a beatufiul resort filled with beaches and oceans. Think of it like...Japanese Geishas.

Tigh: Huh? Japanese? Are those some new form of Cylons?

A couple of coffee cups and insults later with the higher chain of command:

Picard walks in: Commander Adama, I'm a Captain, and I'm pretty much like you!

Tigh:... kicks back with some more booze.

Picard: How is this possible? We're all meeting each other...in here.

Janeway: You disgrace this uniform, Admiral.

Cain/(Ro?): You're one to talk, CAP-TAIN!

Roslin: Now, now... no name calling here. I'm sure we can discuss this in a mature fashion.

Picard: Poopoo head.

Cain/(Ro?): What did you say, you!

Picard: Captain Picard of the USS Enterprise.

Cain/(Ro?): Queball!

Picard: Q! What! Where?

Janeway: Would you quit throwing that in my face Picard!

Picard: Huh?

Janewa: Yes, I know you're the captain of the flagship!

Picard singing You might be an admiral... but I have a ship... a legendary ship.

Janeway in a very Napoleon Dynamite type way: GOSH!

Cain/(Ro?): You bald headed wussy man! I'm the Admiral of the Pegasus!

Roslin: This is enough.

Roslin: You have the pegasus... he has the enterprise...

Roslin: You know what we have to do Bill? We gotta kill her...

Cain/(Ro?) What did you say!

Roslin: Oh, my mistake... that slipped out!

Adama: This is too good chuckling in the background.

Adama then stares down Cain/(Ro?): I want my men back.

Cain/(Ro?): I shot my XO! ...Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that.

Chakotay, Tigh, and Riker all step back.

All three saying: Woah, no shooting the XO's.

Chakotay: Violence is wrong.

Cain/(Ro?): Oh really?points gun at ChakotaySay good bye, Dances with Wolves.

Chakotay: Hey, hey, no--is shot in the head...dies.

Janeway: A sad loss...say, would anyone like some coffee or tea?

Cain/(Ro?) and Picard both say at the same time: Earl grey, hot.

Picard: Ro, I didn't know that was your favorite drink!

Cain/(Ro?): Who the frak is Ro!

Suddenly the real Ro Laren comes on the ship:

Music starts: Dun, dun, DUN!

Everyone looks around: Where did that music come from?

Ro: Oh prophets!

Cain: What the frak is going on!

Ro: I'm human! Dammit!

Cain: What the frak are those things on your nose!

Picard: O.o

Picard: o.O

Janeway: Species 8472! Imposter!

Riker: Great...

Tigh: Gods...

Tigh: I think I've had enough.

Harry Kim sticks his head in the door: drool

Roslin: I'm so confused.

Harry Kim: Ahh ha ha ha! AH MAN!

SixandSeven beam in:

Six and Seven: Humanity must be terminated.

Riker: Huh? Oooh, foxy ladies! I prefer the brunettes though...thinks, Where the hell is Deanna?

Janeway: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON SEVEN!

Seven: This is Number Six.

Harry Kim: ... o.O, You have a sister? ...Ahh ha ha ha, ah man!

Seven: No, but for some reason she also has a number designation...and we're both blond and aesthically pleasing.

Meanwhile back in the messhall with Torres, Starbuck, Paris, and Apollo:

Torres: Starbuck I have my allegience to Janeway!

Starbuck: I have my loyalty to Adama...and I don't play by the rules.

Torres: You're a rebel? Cool, so am I.

Starbuck: Sucky childhood?

Torres: Yeah...didn't get enough hugs as a child.

Starbuck: Me too...

Apollo: They're bonding...I wanted to see blood. munching on popcorn.

Paris: Scary, isn't it?

Torres: I respect you fornot following the rules.

Starbuck: I respect you for respecting that.

Paris: munches on Apollo's popcorn Yeah, wanna join in with me and B'Elanna later? wink, wink

Apollo: Uh...hmmm...maybe.

Apollo: Can Dee come too?

Also on the otherside of the Messhall. Gaeda, Harry, Dee, and Billy are in a deep conversation:

Harry stares at Dee's chest: drools

Harry: So you're very nice Dee...and pretty. You have very nice...big pause eyes. smiles, trying to look smooth.

Dee rolls her eyes.

Gaeda: Yeah...

Billy: Hey that's my girlfriend!

Harry: Ahhh...

Dee rolls eyes...again.

Harry: Have you done IT yet?

Billy: ...

Gaeda: I'm going to go to the bathroom now...thinking, I hope I don't run into Dr. Baltar again...that was scary!

Gaeda on his way to the bathroom. Sits on stall. Hears someone murmuring.

Gaius: Not now...we can't be doing this here.

Gaida! thinking, Oh god! Not again!

Gaius: Oh, you're a naughty naughty girl! Oh yes, right there! bangs his head against the side of the stall that Gaeda is on

Gaeda: Shit!

Gaius: ...uh, hello...may I ask who's there?

Gaeda: ...

Gaius: Lt. Gaeda, is that you?

Gaeda in a small voice: Yes...

Gaius: Well, that's not what it sounded like...I was talking to...my, you know. Had trouble...relieving myself, gotta talk to the old girl...you know? That's what I call it...it's like a ship...like my vessel, uh--

Gaeda scrambles up his pants trying to get out: Don't worry, Dr. Balter, Mr. Vice President! I'm going to be leaving! runs out the door

Gaius: Wait! You don't have to leave! We could talk... sighs

Suddenly D'Anna Biers pops out of stall and starts taking notes: Scandel! Vice President talks to himself in the bathroom...sounding a lot like he was... flogging his log...while harrassing Galactica officers. Yes I got it! camera man leans over into stall taking a picture of Gaius

Gaius: What the frak?

A couple of hours later on another ship near them. Gaius, Number Six, Seven, and Dr. Bashir walking along the corridor of DS9:

Gaius and Bashir both stop and stare at each other then point laughing:

Gaius: Hey! Uncanny!

Bashir: Yes, exactly...what part of England are you from?

Gaius: England? Where's that? There's no England on the 12 colonies.

Bashir: ... spots Jadzea Dax Hey Jadzea! Come over here! I want you all to meet Jadzea Dax. One of the more important people on this space station. smiles at Dax

Gaius: Uh...who? I don't see anyone?

Bashir: What? She's right here!

Gaius: I don't see anyone at all.

Seven: I think you are hallucinating Dr. Bashir.

Dax: They can't see me Julian.

Bashir: What? What do you mean?

Dax: I'm dead. My consciousness had passed on to another body...

Bashir: That sounds very familiar to what these humans have been saying about these Cylons Dax.

Gaius: Are you raving mad!

Number Six: You're one to talk Gaius.

Gaius looks off in a random direction: Shut up!

Bashir: EXCUSE me!

Gaius: Oh sorry! Not you!

Bashir: ... o.O

Gaius: ... O.o

Gaius: So, Seven, ever thought about becoming more human? I could teach you some things. winks

Seven: I would appreciate that... as long as it wasn't inappropriate.

Six: Inappropriate? Meaning not having sex in public...

Gaius: Yes, a few simple exercises, a little bit of candor...

Six: A roll or two in the bed... only 3 minutes of her time.

Seven: Your movements are frantic...irratic... are your caffeine levels high?

Seven: Captain Janeway has had similar problems with caffeine levels in the past. State your purpose.

Six bursts into laugher and throws Gaius up against the wall: I told you Gaius. This is what happens when you make me angry!

Gaius: What the frak was that for!

Seven: ... O.o

Dax throws Bashir up against the wall.

Bashir: What the hell was that for!

Dax: Just wanted to see what it was like.

Bashir: Okay...

Seven: ... o.O

Stay tuned for part 2: What to do with Sharon's baby!


End file.
